If I go for a run before I get a headache, then my body deal with the hormones associated with anxiety in the way the body is designed to - after all, the feeling is the fig or flight response. Unfortunately, during the day I cannot just get up and go for a run … I have a job to do and I'm pretty sure they'd not be happy with me popping on a pair of trainers and disappearing for an hour or so.
So a month or so ago I went to the doctors to talk about it. I felt that I needed something that would enable me to stop the circle of anxiety, where the physical symptoms feed into themselves to make the feelings worse. She suggested beta blockers. During my various exercise courses I had heard of beta blockers. "Ok" I thought "they cap my heart rate, so I'll not be able to work out so intensively. I won't be able to rely on heart rate for an indicator of how hard I'm working". I don't use heat rate monitors much anyway, so I wasn't that worried about their effects.
One day I was feeling particularly anxious and my heart was raving and my breathing shallow, so I decided that I needed to bring it under control and had one of the beta blockers. Then I remembered that I'd arranged to meet some friends - so I jump on he Nike and frantically cycle up the hill. I expected to get hot and bothered, but as well as those expected feelings I felt as though my chest was going to explode! My legs were burning, my lungs felt as though they'd expanded in a vain effort to get as much oxygen into themselves as possible - while my heart just pottered on as though nothing was happening. It was really confusing for my body. At least I didn't feel anxious. But i didn't like the feelings. "Ok, so don't expect to do anything too intense after having one of them beta blockers" I said to myself.
Yesterday was a difficult day for me. For no descernable reason I began to feel anxious. Again my heart began to race and feel irregular and my breathing shallowed. I had a few pills yesterday and by the evening the physical symptoms were under control and I felt better. I had a decent nights sleep.
Today I went for my normal Sunday run. I planned to run 10 miles. So I start off up the hill. I can tell early on that my heart was going to cooperate, so I slow right down. My legs feel as though they were working really hard, but I was barley faster than a walk. After about 2 miles I stopped. I just couldn't keep going. In the end, I resorted to doing intervals to get home - a recommended way of exercising with beta blockers, where you alternate periods of activity with periods of recovery. I did get home and I felt as though I'd had a work out. It took me 45 minutes to do 4 miles. I was not pleased. So I'll try again tomorrow.
I will probably get anxiety attacks again and I'll probably need to take a beta blocker again - and I will get used to them, but there's nothing quite like experiencing something for oneself to understand what it's like for others. I don't know how many trainers have tried a beta blocker, but the experience will early help me appreciate and be supportive of others on medication.
